Of Love And Loyalty

Judy O’Connor had been dating Ryan Barrett for just over twelve months. Things were going well. They were going strong. Judy was happy with where things were going, and hopeful and excited to see what the future held for the two of them. Like most couples, they had their little disagreements now and then, but were generally loved-up and happy. One evening, she called over to see him at his flat on the outskirts of the city-centre.

She followed Ryan into the small kitchen to make tea. As they went into the room, Ryan hurriedly grabbed the envelope that was lying on the work-top and stuffed it into the cutlery drawer. Before Judy could ask what he was hiding, Ryan spoke, a false cheeriness in his voice.

‘I got some of those Earl Grey tea bags that you like. And some biscuits too.’ He said.

He reached into a cupboard and produced a packet of Custard Creams. Judy knew he was up to something, but decided to say nothing for now. She really didn’t want to fall out with him. She would have her tea and biscuits and play nice, but she would definitely find out what he was keeping from her. Maybe she was being too nosy, maybe she was interfering, but she had to know what was going on. Perhaps it was a surprise for her. Maybe tickets to a concert, or a hotel reservation for a weekend away somewhere romantic. Either way, she had to know.

While they sipped their tea, and munched on biscuits, watching a quiz show television, Judy couldn’t stop thinking about the envelope. It was an itch she just had to scratch. She had to get to the bottom of this. Ryan suggested the answer to a question on TV.

‘The Godfather, that’s Francis Ford Coppola. Easy.’ He said.

The quiz show host announced that The Godfather novel was in fact written by Mario Puzo. Ryan tutted his disagreement. 

As the quiz show was finishing, Judy grabbed their empty mugs, saying she’d go and wash them. She quickly dashed to the kitchen. 

In the kitchen, she dunked the mugs in the sink, dried her hands on a tea-towel, and opened the cutlery drawer. She opened the envelope and read the letter.

She stared at the paper in confusion. It was a visiting order for Ryan Barrett to visit someone called Carl Barrett in Strangeways prison. Barrett. They shared the same last name. Who was he? Ryan’s father? His uncle? 

A voice from behind her answered the question.

‘Carl is my brother.’ He said.

Judy spun around to see Ryan standing in the doorway, arms folded. Judy was caught red-handed. 

‘I’m sorry, Ryan. I just wanted to know what you were hiding.’ Judy said.

Ryan took a seat at the kitchen table. Judy went over and sat beside him. Ryan sighed and then explained.

‘Carl is my brother and he’s in prison for murder.’

Judy gasped. This was the last thing she had been expecting.

‘It was three years ago. He killed his girlfriend. They would have these almighty arguments. During one of these rows, he lost it, he killed her. It was all over the news at the time. What he did was awful. Just awful. He did this terrible thing, but he is still my brother, he’s family. You can’t just switch your feelings off, you know?’

‘I’m sorry, love. I had no idea.’ Judy said.

‘It’s not the kind of thing you mention on your first date.’ Ryan said, sadly. ‘I’d understand if you didn’t want to see me again.’

Judy said nothing for a long, moment, trying to gather her thoughts. Her head was spinning with it all. It had been the last thing she was expecting. His brother was a killer, how could he still see him? Where did you draw the line? What would she do, if one of her family did something like that? Would she break all ties? Or would you love them despite what they had done? Could you love the person but hate the act they had committed?

Judy sighed, she would deal with this. They would get through this and come out stronger. Judy was always one for tackling a problem head-on. 

‘This is a lot to take in. I do want to get my head around it so we can move past it. Would I be able to visit him?’ She said.

‘Absolutely not. No way.’ Ryan said.

‘I just think, if I could see him, could speak to him, I think it will help me make sense of this whole thing.’ Judy said.

‘I forbid it.’ Ryan snapped.

‘But, I just feel-’

‘I said no!’ Ryan slapped a hand down on the kitchen table hard, in anger and frustration.

A moment later, he placed his hand on hers, and spoke, his voice gentle, soft.

‘Look, I’m sorry. It’s just a lot to deal with. I didn’t want you to find out like this. I think I’m still processing it all myself. I don’t want it to come between us.’ He said.

Judy nodded, perhaps she was being intrusive, overstepping the line. This was such a sensitive subject, after all. 

‘I don’t want you getting involved in this mess. I’d rather keep you away from all that.’ He said, finally.

Judy knew two things. She knew she had to visit Carl in prison, for her own peace of mind, her own sanity. If she and Ryan were to be together, then she had to know everything about him. If she didn’t get her head around this, then it would eat away at her, all the time they were together. He may want to bury his head in the sand, but that wasn’t her way of doing things. She would sort this all out. They would get over this obstacle but they would have to tackle it. 

And she also knew that Ryan would never allow it. He had been quite adamant. There would be no changing his mind. She knew that if she even raised the subject, it would end in argument. 

That left her with no option. She would have to apply for a visiting order behind Ryan’s back. She would go and see the murderer, and having spoken to him, she could then get things straight in her own mind and decide where she went from there. 

Two days later, Judy applied for a prison visiting order. When they asked ‘reason for visit’ Judy lied, and said she was working on an article for a local newspaper. She was unsure if that was the right thing to do, but she felt the need to guard herself, to keep her real identity from the prisoner. 

While she did feel anxious about seeing the murderer, she knew that she would never be able to settle down with Ryan without knowing all she could about Carl. And if that pushed her further away, then she and Ryan were never meant to be together.

She also searched online, reading the reports about the murder. It seemed like quite the horrific attack. Neighbours reported someone fitting Carl’s description arriving at Clare’s house around half-ten that evening. Then there were reports of sounds of arguments and a disturbance. The visitor left the premises just after midnight, and the body, and the full gory murder scene was discovered the next morning when neighbours called to check on her. 

The morning of the prison visit, Judy felt nervous. She was unsure quite what she was getting herself into, but she felt her life, and her love-life in particular, was on hold until this was sorted out one way or another. Once this was all sorted, she and Ryan could sit down and talk it all through. They would chat late into the night, getting everything out there, saying all that needed to be said. And they would be closer, tighter, because of it. 

Judy steeled herself and told herself she could do this, as she was ushered into the prison. Her bag and coat were scanned to make sure she wasn’t smuggling any contraband into the prison. Judy shivered at the thought, not wanting to dwell on the types of things that were smuggled into prison. Her mind went to a TV news story she’d seen recently about people using drones to drop items over the walls and into the exercise yard of the prison. She showed her visiting order to an officer behind the counter, and she was lead down grey-painted corridors, through metal doors that clanged as they slammed shut behind her.

Finally, she was shown into a large room that reminded her of a school canteen. Plastic tables and chairs filled the large room. There was only one person there. Sitting at a table, wearing a light grey, prison issue tracksuit was Carl Barrett. Judy recognised him from the photos she’d seen on the news reports of the murder. He had lost weight, his features gaunt, his hair greying at the temples, but it was still the same man. 

Judy glanced over her shoulder at the guard hovering near the door. He was a thick-set man, who had the no-nonsense air of a night club doorman. She was safe, the guard was there. She’d be okay. 

She approached the prisoner and took the plastic chair facing him.

Carl looked up and smiled as she sat down. 

‘Good afternoon.’ He said.

‘Hi, I’m Judy.’ She said, placing her bag on her lap.

‘You mentioned in your application for the visit, that you working on an article for the Salford Sun. I don’t usually agree to interviews. The press have already reported everything. I don’t really have anything else to add. I’m sorry but you’ve had a wasted journey here today.’ He shrugged awkwardly. 

Judy was taken back at the man’s demeanour. He came across mild-mannered and rather calm. He seemed quiet and shy, not quite the hot-headed monster he was portrayed in the media. A thought struck her. Unless this was the persona he had adopted to get the parole board onside. Maybe this was all part of the sick game he was playing with people. She’d heard that notorious serial killers often were rather charming and polite. That was how they reeled you in. That was the trap they set. Maybe that was why Ryan didn’t want her seeing him.

But something about the man caught her off-guard. Maybe it was the resemblance to his brother, to the man she loved. Before she knew it, she was opening up and admitting the truth. 

‘Actually, I came here under false pretences. I wanted to see you today for personal reasons.’ She started.

‘Really? If you’re related to Clare, I can only apologise and offer my sincere sympathies. I never meant for any of this to happen.’ He looked at her with sad eyes.

‘No. It’s not that. I’m dating your brother. I’m Ryan’s girlfriend. We’ve been seeing each other for just over a year.’

The drained from his already pale complexion. 

‘I don’t want you seeing him.’ Carl said.

‘How dare you tell me what to do? You’re a monster!’ Judy snapped.

Carl leaned forward and spoke, his tone urgent, pleading.

‘I’m not the monster, Ryan is!’ Carl said.

‘You killed that poor woman.’

Carl shook his head, his gaze never leaving Judy’s.

‘Clare wasn’t my lover. She was his! They were having this clandestine affair, all very hush-hush. They were both seeing other people at the same time. But he would have these fits of jealousy. The red mist would come down, I’m sure you’ve seen that temper for yourself. You know what I’m talking about. And during one of these rages, he killed her.’ Carl said.

Judy said nothing, she knew her boyfriend had a temper, he could get lost in these rages. Before Judy could make sense of what she was being told, Carl continued.

‘He is the killer, not me. I knew of the affair, and of how angry he could be. When they found her body, it was obvious to me who was behind it. I confronted him. I said, I knew what he had done. I told him to turn himself in to the police. He told me to take the fall in his place. Of course, I refused. I was engaged to be married at the time. He said he would kill my fiancée if I didn’t confess to the murder. I did what I had to do to keep her safe.’

‘You could have gone to the police. You should have told someone.’ Judy said.

‘I couldn’t risk it. If the police released him after questioning, or let him out on bail, he would head straight for my Lucy. He would probably kill us both. I just couldn’t take that chance. Knowing what he was capable of, and wanting to save Lucy, I agreed. And so, when the case broke, my fiancée had to discover that I was not only cheating, but that I had murdered my lover in a fit of jealous rage. It was all false, it was Carl not me. It broke her heart, broke mine too, but she was safe. That knowledge helps me sleep at night in this place.’ Carl said, tears in his eyes.

‘But this doesn’t make any sense. If this is true, there must be something you can do.’ Judy insisted.

Judy tried to take this all in. Could he be telling the truth? Could all this be true?

‘Ryan keeps coming here, visiting me, playing the dutiful brother, but what he’s actually doing, is reminding me of the terms of our agreement.’ Carl said. ‘Every gift package he brings in, every glance, it insists, tells me, threatens me, not to test him on this.’

‘I really need to leave.’ Judy said, getting to her feet, reeling. The room swayed around her. She leaned on the table to steady herself. Carl’s revelation had knocked her sideways. 

Carl gave her a pleading gaze.

‘Do you believe me?’ He asked, his voice breaking with emotion.

Judy left the prison, stepping through the vast metal doors and out into the afternoon winter sun. She reached for the tape-recorder in her handbag. She pressed the Stop button. The recorder clicked to a stop. 

She had wanted to tape the conversation, unbeknownst to the prisoner, for her own records, for her own peace of mind, so she could listen back and process things. And yet she had unwittingly recorded his confession, his testimony, of what had actually occurred. 

As she climbed in the back of the taxi, rather than take her home, she leaned forward and gave the driver new instructions.

‘Actually, can you take me to the nearest police station?’

By Chris Platt

From: United Kingdom